Written by Isabelle Plasmeijer
Founder of ISA Power
A long long time ago, I remember lying in bed and thinking how this all happened...It started with an innocent diet, an attempt to lose just a few kilos. I was in control, I was in charge. I loved it. But before I knew it, it was controlling me. I was no longer in charge, I felt powerless towards its voice.
How can you heal yourself when an eating disorder has nearly completely taken over your brain? How can you think straight or think reasonable when this 'voice' tells you that you must sport, you can't eat and you must purge. Feelings of guilt, shame, insecurity, and disgust shadowed my once happy and outgoing soul. How on earth could I conquer this? This was not a broken leg that needed a bit of rest. This was impossible, at least that's what thought back then.
With this story, I hope I can inspire you to persevere. I did not know I could recover until I actually did. This reminds me of the famous quote of Nelson Mandela, who said: "It always seems impossible until it's done!"
The brain is amazing.... it can fool you! It can fool you BIG time. Every time I looked in the mirror I felt bigger than I actually was. My brain was also capable of creating scary and negative thoughts. I remember talking to friends but not being able to listen to anything they were saying because I was dizzy and starving.
I felt so incredibly alone
The main thing, or let's say main emotion, I remember from that period of my life is that I was always cold, shaky, nervous, anxious, and alone. I have never felt more alone then back then.
Remember, you don’t have to identify with your ED voice. You are not your weight, you are not your looks, you are not your job, your are not your CV, you are amazing. Just because of the simple fact that you are HUMAN, and that means we are not perfect.
So let go of the person you think you should be. And BE, you ARE already AMAZING