Acknowledgments We are our own biggest critic, yes the old cheesy saying is true! Being critical of what you do isn’t always a bad thing, however when you judge your every action, constantly feel disappointed in yourself and feel like you are not worthy, this is a problem. If you are too harsh on yourself like me and many others I hope this article will help you see the importance of being gentle with yourself and empower you to be the most authentic (self-bullying free) version of you.
You expect a lot from yourself, this isn’t a bad thing in itself in fact quite the contrary this means somewhere deep down you know you are a badass and are capable of so much, lets help that voice grow more instead of the one that bullies you and tells you that you aren’t capable.
First let me start with giving you some compassion, it makes sense you feel this way. We live in a very competitive society which also puts us in competition with ourselves. Have you noticed how we consistently set expectations and goals for ourselves, and once they are met we don’t even take a moment to celebrate we just automatically put another bar, another goal or downplay our achievement. Or how when we do something good we barely acknowledge it but if we do something bad we bully ourselves for it extensively. It sucks right? The root of what causes this is also what will get us out of this vicious cycle.
Getting out of the vicious cycle
What if we started to put just as much attention and energy onto what we did good as we do in things we do bad? Imagine?
For example, image if when you get all your test grades back instead of torturing yourself over that one bad grade you celebrate and appreciate yourself for the amazing results you achieved in the other exams? Or instead of tormenting yourself over that one thing you missed in the meeting you focus on all the points you did make? I’m not telling you to pretend the bad don’t exist I’m just saying maybe putting more importance to the good will help the bad feel smaller and build your confidence, self-respect and self-appreciation. All things which will not only lead you to be happier, more self-compassionate, more successful but also will make you better at what you are trying to accomplish. Focusing on what we are doing well makes such a huge impact and difference in our life once we commit to this practice.
Self-compassion daily integrators
It’s okay: This bullying voice comes back because it loves the attention it gets. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to say “yes I do feel this way” let it out, with no judgments, acknowledge it and move on. Sometimes this minimizes the voice a bit and makes it less sticky in your brain.
Treat yourself as you would a friend: Think about the situation or thought pattern you were in as if it wasn’t yours but was a friends. What would you say to them? Would you be as judgmental? Would you feel it was as terrible?
Take space: Put these strong thoughts on a shelf, this does not mean pretend they are not there or get rid of them just put them on hold for a few hours so you can pick them back up with distance and a clearer mind.
Fact check: When your inner bully spiral begins ask yourself, is it really this bad? What’s actually the worst thing that can happen? Chances are the situation may not be as terrible as your mind is alluding you to think.
Use a growth instead of fixed mindset: A fixed mindset would be something like “I can’t do this”. Where as a growth mindset would be “I’ve never done this before, lets try to learn something new”.
Express gratitude to yourself: Think about the things you are doing well too. Sometimes when one bad thing happens we forget about all the good things that accompany it, think about those as well.
Finding a support person: I think having a coach or therapist is also so helpful, if you feel your inner critic voices are extremely loud it might be a good idea to get in contact with someone who can help you find a way to show a little more self compassion towards yourself.
Wishing you so much love and support
~Francesca Bas, ISA Power intern
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“Compliments are just like gifts, fun to give and fun to receive.” - Isabelle Plasmeijer
